so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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