I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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