Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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