He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
