I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
