any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
