Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
