just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
