hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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