his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
