how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
