I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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