You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
