At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
