For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
