thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
