My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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