dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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