hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
