eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
