Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
