Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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