we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
