If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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