last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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