wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
