I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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