Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
