I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
