i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
