I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hippo gnu deer
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
