I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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