You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
