It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
