All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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