Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
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Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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