Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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