Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
