i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
