And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
