ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize