Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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