Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
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The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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