i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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