i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
