I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
