I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
