Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
