Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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