dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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