The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
