we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
