i was born a porn star she said
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Bring me that man meat
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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