So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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