one might say we're banned from that church
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
