I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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