Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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