1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
