No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize