So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
