he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh god it's open bar.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
