Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
