I saw his package. It spoke to me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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