I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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