woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
