Pappa wants mamma naked
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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