your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
