The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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