Duck Duck Cougar?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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